Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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