when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
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They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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