Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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