Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
