If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
