did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
