Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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