Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
They have beer where we have blood.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
