I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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