Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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