Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
