I wish you could order shots online.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
