Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
