Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
