does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
