Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
BRING THE BAGELS
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
