it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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