I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
