Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
