Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
