textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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