I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
