Soap is not a condiment
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
