My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
