Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
