i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
