he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
