Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
