You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
