I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
