Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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