Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
