Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
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Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are going to name an STD after you.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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