omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The power of my boobs compel you
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
