Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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