Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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