sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Naked. naked and bneed help.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
