yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
