Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
