first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
