He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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