this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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