Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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