I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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