I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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