he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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