I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize