here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
