Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
