I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
