C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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