Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
