I am spending my child support on dildos
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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