I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
