Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
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