last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
