Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
