drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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