highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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