Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
