I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
