we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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