I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
