I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
