Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
How naked do you want me to be?
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