It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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