this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
