i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
But break dance skills will only take you so far
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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