apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
