Texts From Last Night

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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  and the officer said have you been drinking

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  and i said NOO SIR.

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  and he said, I am a woman.

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  (864): and the officer said have you been drinking (864): and i said NOO SIR. (864): and he said, I am a woman. http://tfl.nu/8g3i
  Replies (19) Good night (2079) Bad night (7010)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.

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  (618): id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga. http://tfl.nu/30m7
  Replies (37) Good night (2641) Bad night (660)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs

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  (314): I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs http://tfl.nu/syr9
  Replies (12) Good night (2614) Bad night (682)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.

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  (443): My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth. http://tfl.nu/a6mm
  Replies (36) Good night (2794) Bad night (1140)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.

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  (516): Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter. http://tfl.nu/yfry
  Replies (74) Good night (732) Bad night (6524)
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  (518): View more from New York

  i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with

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  (518): i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you. (202): and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with http://tfl.nu/tq5v
  Replies (10) Good night (1629) Bad night (3468)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.

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  (303): I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring. http://tfl.nu/akq0
  Replies (5) Good night (2583) Bad night (968)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.

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  (910): i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny. http://tfl.nu/fz99
  Replies (23) Good night (1410) Bad night (2888)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.

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  (815): If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up. http://tfl.nu/63pe
  Replies (3) Good night (2266) Bad night (876)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?

  (912): View more from Georgia

  Home?

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  (407): Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus? (912): Home? http://tfl.nu/7r1y
  Replies (2) Good night (2306) Bad night (873)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?

  (614): View more from Ohio

  I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.

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  (330): Want me to give your number to an army recruiter? (614): I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist? (330): I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us. http://tfl.nu/ti2n
  Replies (6) Good night (3514) Bad night (764)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.

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  (647): The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus. http://tfl.nu/lyxj
  Replies (6) Good night (615) Bad night (1560)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen

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  (+44): She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen http://tfl.nu/pozx
  Replies (3) Good night (1863) Bad night (494)
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  (805): View more from California

  Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.

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  (805): Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB. http://tfl.nu/41ax
  Replies (5) Good night (660) Bad night (363)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny

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  (678): The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny http://tfl.nu/ejq7
  Replies (5) Good night (365) Bad night (730)

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