Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.