I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
