ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness