party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
