alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
