he thought i was a dude.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
