pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
