brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
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