Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
pop tarts are not kleenex
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
