shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
