Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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